TODAY'S HOROSCOPE

Also did you hear that we're open? I was personally very excited to hear this.

Today’s horoscopes will be compiled from Larry Niven’s A World Out of Time because the cat on the cover looks like a cursed oracle. The horoscopes will be divined in true oracle fashion via me doing a complicated ritual involving moonlight, oils, a dead rat, and opening this book to a random page to divine our predictions for the coming week.

ARIES [MAY …